She was known for her smile, the flow of positive energy. Life for her was nothing more than giving and receiving showers of immense love. Apple of parents’ eyes, the stardust in her siblings’ lives. A little too agile and restless at school, and a teacher’s pet. There was no reason why one would not want to love her, as when she loved, she did it with all her heart and soul, until, she got beaten up.
For loving.
Today, what you are about to read is a regular story that takes place in almost every household around us and probably will continue for a while. Why? Because as siblings, friends, neighbours, relatives, and parents we have failed. We have failed our daughters. We have failed to teach them that love comes with respect, that love comes with protection, and that love only comes after you have loved yourself first and long enough to judge between the right and wrong in a relationship.
It’s about to be a whole year since they have been divorced and it has stopped haunting her. Today, when I met her, I could finally see, she is letting it go. Its still bothers a bit. She still consoles herself saying, “it was all my unconditional love, so I don’t think I regret it.” But somewhere deep down, she still wants a closure of being physically abused for loving unconditionally.
Simi (not her actual name), comes from a very loving family. Growing up in an extended family she has the unique ability to befriend people very easily and leaves a positive mark on people’s memories. While growing up in school, she was no different from the girl at home. Just like any other girl who dreams to get married to the love of her life, Simi’s dreams were no different either. After completing her education and whilst working as a teacher, she fell in love with a senior from the school she graduated from. And I tell you, it was a perfect love story. Both deeply, and madly admiring one another and each other’s presence. Both committed to tie the knot and spend the rest of their lives, waking up to each other. It seemed as if they have been in love from the beginning of time, except her to-be husband had been into a twisted fate before.
Samar (not his actual name) has a history of violence. Not with Simi, but with his ex-wife who left him for the very reason. Simi nonetheless, believed her love, their love, would change it. Samar did not show as many of signs of violence for Simi to unlove him, she rather chose their affection over all the rumors she had heard and had known.
Life, however, planned things differently.
Right after the wedding, which Samar’s parents had refused to participate in, Simi was being welcomed by particulars she had been unaware for past years which included her now-husbands bipolar disorder symptoms. Regardless, she adjusted herself, still, kind to the man she loved and cared so much for. So much that days passed by where she would sleep herself with her bruises and still laugh with him the next morning as if nothing ever happened between them the night before.
Letting go of her career and all that she had for herself, Simi became a full-time housewife and a designer, to surprise the love of her life, building a house he wanted. During the day, their love would echo in the house while he would enjoy the lavish gifts by his wife, and at night Simi’s begging cries and tears would be ignored even by her mother-in-law.
Months passed by. Bruises kept getting darker. Simi’s nights became more about her spending hours on the stairs while her bedroom filled up with the aura of what we may know as “other women”.
And I will stop here.
Would you still call this love? Would you still claim this to be a duty of a woman? Sadly, it still is considered to be. Right after the divorce papers were issued, Simi had lines of relatives waiting to lecture her on how to behave like a woman and continue with a marriage. Yes, that’s what she was made to go through, after being accused and dragged to psychologists by the man who is supposed to be the one to protect his spouse from any such rumors, or so some of us think.
You are mad at this girl, aren’t you? I was too when I had to hear all of these. I was angry, hurt, questioning what made her accept all of these. However, right now, I request everyone reading this to pass a message to every Simi around you. Tell her its okay to walk away. Tell her you are there if she needs help. Tell her you will help her clean her bruises only if she promises not to get bruised for the same reason. Tell her that her love is too valuable for Samar. Please, help her love herself.
Simi is doing very well today. She has gotten back to teaching and other extracurriculars she used to enjoy before all that happened. She smiles more often and most importantly, she has moved on. Bumping into Samar at gatherings does not bother her anymore. All the humiliations he made her go through, all the rumors he spread about her and her family who loved him like their own, and all the fake accusations he made against her, none of that matters anymore to Simi.
When I asked her, what helped her grow above and beyond all that, she mentioned that its all in the faith and prayers. Somewhere deep inside she knew that if she was made to face these, she was definitely given the strength to overcome them as well. So that’s all she looked for, her strength to overcome. Simi acknowledges the presence of her friends as a blessing, her female friends to be more precise who pulled her out of the trauma she pushed herself into.
Did it sound eternal? No, right? Exactly, we don’t know what the eternal is like. We don’t know what tomorrow will be like. While this is based on an actual story, I believe a lot of us have already heard of stories as actual incidents, and yet, we are letting our daughters and sisters walk into dreaming that their prince is going to come and save them. From what? I am not asking anyone to stop believing in marriages, but I am asking my fellow ladies out there to step into the reality and teach their girls what to expect and to stand up for themselves. If Simi hadn’t been pulled out of this abusive marriage by her friends and family, maybe the next time, the world wouldn’t have had the luck to be brightened by her beautiful smile that she gives out today. And trust me, losing such beautiful souls, is the last thing we want to prepare ourselves for.