How to decide what’s modest or not?
“Dhaka is a city for modest women, who walk with their heads down and voice lower, not for these butterflies living in the la la land”, commented a lady in the bus, before adding, “... And girls these days, are just turning way too smart for our boys, way too fast for their own good.”
Girls in our society are usually treated in binary terms, where 1 means ‘bhodro’ (modest) and 0 means ‘obhodro’ (immodest).
While many are busy placing labels on us, there is a woman out there, in a veil, or kameez, or saree, or even shirt and jeans, negotiating with the shopkeeper and the street vendor, making business deals herself in her professional world, taking care of her family while maintaining a balance in work life. These are ladies with unfathomable talent and determination to get what they want. And no, probably even they are not the ideally modest ones of the society, in the eyes of many. It is definitely indispensable under all circumstances to be the way they are, however, the question is, why do one group of females in our society have to be labeled as ‘obhodro’ to prove the ‘modesty’ of the other? I mean is this some old thought trick to induce competition within women or to turn us against one another?
Too bad for the ones aiming for destruction through such differences that the women in my city understand and appreciate.
These days, women of Dhaka city receive more appreciation than they used to, and are always greeted with a smile regardless of some possessing historically set characteristics. This is happening because the women of my city have fought through the system and will always keep fighting.
Whenever a woman wakes up in the morning, makes her own breakfast, packs her huge bag and sets out for the day in this city, she is setting out for her daily battle. These women, as mothers taking care of families, single women making their own living, daughters making their identity, have a lot on their shoulders all the time. So if, by mistake, she doesn’t sound calm while talking, think for a moment. Put yourself in her shoes and imagine how it would feel to walk on streets where you’re being stared at by everyone for being yourself, to not be appreciated for the work you do, or to deal with crazy unrealistic expectations all the time. The women of my city go through all of these things on a regular basis. So, if she hangs out with her friends to have some fun, wearing whatever she wants to, PLEASE let her be! If she isn’t smiling like the other days, please let her be. If she decides to dress in an unconventional way, please let her. So please, stop labeling her in the binary of 0 and 1. 
Well, ladies, we cannot and should not be defined in terms of only black and white, there is exclusivity in every single girl, and unless we recognize that ourselves, we cannot succeed in making other people recognize it too. Every woman who walks inside a café confidently, with a big backpack, has a story to share. Every woman who decides to get on a bike wearing a saree has a story to share. And every woman waiting outside her child’s school has a story to share. And so does every other woman you can think of who pulls off living multiple lives in the same time horizon, managing the hardest jobs all by herself deserves to be categorized way differently than just being labeled as ‘bhodro’ (modest) and ‘obhodro’ (immodest).
The problem arises mostly when we ourselves as women end up harming the confidence of other women, unconsciously.  Often times we create categories of women in our mind that we will choose to be acquainted with. What we fail to realize is, once we do that we are prone to missing out, knowing the other women who possess marvelous qualities that we could never even think of. The women in my city deserve to be whatever they dream to be. But in order to fight back the stereotype of being labeled as ‘bhodro’ and ‘obhdoro’, we must all be united among ourselves first, appreciate who we are, and then celebrate ourselves. Women of Dhaka, please never doubt yourself, ‘cause you are amazing in your own way.

Sanjida Tanny is the founder of Contentier (more known as The Raconteuse/Storyteller) and a passionate art curator.