‘Please, now don’t go around in bikinis’, ‘Freedom can be achieved with peace’, ‘You don’t have to dress up like a tease’, ‘Men are men, leave them alone’, ‘If it’s past 9, it’s expected of you to be home’, ‘Riding on a bike should not be a preference’, ‘Once you hit 20, being a respected lady should be your only reference’…. Wait! Hold on, I need to know this; how on earth do you define ‘a respectful/respected lady’?
I mean to ask, what is it that any girl or woman has to do in order to be a “respected woman”?
To begin with, you just go on with your unwelcomed opinion without a clue.
Jeans or not, skirt or not, these days even the size of her blouse bothers you.
If I follow the order of that wonderfully expressed poem above (I really hope you will consider my attempt at throwing 'truth bombs' as a poem, please!), the first and probably the most common way we demean and judge a woman is by referring to her attire. My question however is, are you paying the person’s bill for what she wears? Or do you pay her lifestyle charges to question or belittle her? I am not here to argue on the common sense of knowing what to wear under certain circumstances. But the very fact that some of us are still stuck with the idea that girls not wearing kamizes are improper is so 18th century!
And then there is an issue with time. The guy comes at 1.30 am, and that’s fine.
The girl is definitely indecent if she arrives after nine.
I don’t understand this part. What makes you think in 2019 only men are allowed to work late nights and if girls tend to work late, they are indecent? I am unable to grasp this particular idea. At the same time, I am unable to explain, (frankly, I don’t much care!) the same to my neighbors. I arrive home at 12 midnight after a long day at work and travel, and that becomes an issue with my guards, neighboring guards, neighbor uncles who never even see or hear from me. My neighbor, Mr. XYZ arrives 30 minutes later and gets a red-carpet welcome. What I am trying to address here is the fact that putting the risks of traveling late aside, women working late is not as uncommon as most people think. Just because a woman is out late does not inevitably mean she is involved in things you consider to be “immoral”. And please, don’t even think of persuading us with the statement that men are men and they do whatever they want. Listen to my harsh words now; it is because of people like you that such 'men' think they can get away with anything because of their so-called XY chromosomes. Stop breeding and nurturing this personality. Really, it’s high time!
I wonder what century we are in, clearly not enough for riding motorbikes.
On one hand, you love taunting and blaming the femininity of a woman for being late.
On the other, every biker she calls, to rush her to the destination is supposedly her date?
On a serious note, honestly? Even in the poshest zone of Dhaka, I hear people discussing and complaining about girls using Pathao/Uber bikes to commute. I have heard women and men argue with female friends and call them indecent for using bike services. Do you know what I think? These neighbors, because of their own idleness, the minute they notice women who tend to live, work, or commute independently, they believe it is their duty to turn into an unpaid spy that our nation was looking for. Then onwards, they take it as a right to track every single step and breath that is taken in, out, and around the homes of these women, with the precise log of time.
Sounds disrespectful, yeah?
Guess what?
This is the reality; of the lives of women who struggle to be independent in our society.
Lastly, please stop defining what a respectful woman should act like. Because as a society, you have clearly failed to define what respect should look like.
I hate ending my write-ups on a negative note and tone. But honestly, I cannot think of anything positive to add to this item except to hope and pray that as individuals, before we point accusatory fingers at other people, we see and correct the flaws we are draped in. Trust me when I say this, wearing so-called decent clothes is very easy. On the contrary, maintaining our self-respect and independence requires a lot of strength that some of us are trying to achieve without harming and hurting others, so please, don’t make it more difficult.
Sanjida Tanny is the founder of Contentier (more known as The Raconteuse/Storyteller) and a passionate art curator.